Lu's latest addition to her ever growing collection, these Disaster stories were all submitted by members on the list, and compiled for your enjoyment by my dear friend Sooz. We do hope you enjoy reading about all of our lil' mishaps, and adventures in the kitchen.

We don't yet have volume two.. but keep you're eyes open... them members on Cooking with RecipeLu are always full of stories to share.

In order to protect our membes, the names of people and places may have been changed *g*

Go grab a cuppa cocoa, settle in to a comfy chair, and enjoy !

CHAPTER ONE
APPLIANCES GONE WRONG
"Diane Geary."
My cousins son needed to fix a leaky pipe underneath the sink. His wife keep getting after him to fix it and he kept putting it off. In the meantime she removed all the cupboard doors to refinish them, The pipe exploded and there was a garbage disposal full of noodles. It blew the noodles out of the disposal and they went everywhere you can think of. She is still finding noodles to this day. This happened in November of 1997. ************************************************************************ "Valerie Whittle"
Ok, I'd forgotten my first run-in with a microwave. I had never used one, or seen one used, when I went away to college. We had a microwave in the dorm lounge, and one late night while studying, I got a craving for BBQ chicken. I don't recall *where* I got the chicken (must have been a store nearby) or Shake and Bake BBQ coating mix, but I put in one piece of chicken (possibly two, but I think it was just one) and set the timer.... I wasn't quite sure how long to cook it, but it said an hour for a regular oven for several pieces, so I figured I should cut the time a bit, seeing as it was a microwave and all, and they're supposed to be faster... So ... 20 minutes. That ought to cook a piece of chicken just right... hehehehe I can't remember if we noticed it before or after the timer went off, but everyone had a huge laugh when they saw the piece of black charcoal that used to be a chicken thigh... I think someone threw it out the window like a baseball... hehehe ************************************************************************
"janet toomey"
This is another Horror story from Jan's Kitchen!
This happened to my mom not me. I had gotten a brand new Kitchen aid mixer. I was at work and we gave parties for time share and they needed a quick dessert. I volunteered my mom to make me some cream puffs. Sooo I called home and at the time she lived with me. I asked her to make me some cream puffs for the party that night at work. She was very willing and said sure now I can use your new machine. I went back to working and about 2 hours later I had a feeling something was wrong. So I called mom at home. She was half laughing and half crying. I asked what was wrong and my five year old son on the extension upstairs piped up an says mommy grandma has a huge mess in your kitchen. Well to make a long story short..she had turned on the machine without locking it first. She had flour and sugar everywhere. At the time I had blue walls freshly painted in my kitchen. Soo you can imagine the mess. She had everything cleaned up by the time I got home and all turned out well. We had many a laugh over this while having a cup of tea together. Sorry to say she passed away three years ago of Alzheimer and I do miss her so. Jan ************************************************************************ clbogner@juno.com
First of all, you have to understand that I've been cooking and baking for as long as I can remember. Mom started me on cake mixes and brownies when I was about 7 or 8, and by 13 I could prepare a complete meal by myself—nothing fancy, but I knew how to *not* burn the house down. well, rolls reversed in my house, and mom would ask *me* to bake things for *her* (instead of the other way around). this one particular time I was commissioned to make a german chocolate cake for the Home Interior's party she was having that night. the recipe called for a bar of Baker's german chocolate and some other "expensive" ingredients, and since this was not long after my prior cake disaster, I was warned about reading and following *all* of the directions.... ok, so I do everything the directions say, to the letter...I even had my little brother time me during the "beating"! I bake the cake for the required time, and when the timer dings, I check the cake....it's still soupy! *gasp!* so I put it back in the oven for another 10 minutes..... no change in the cake. I called the aunt who gave us the recipe—long distance—to ask her what I did wrong. she didn't know, and recommended I bake it another 10 minutes. I did, and kept this up for another hour. still had a soupy cake. I called mom at work in tears, 'cause I *knew* I didn't do anything wrong.... she tells me to go ahead and turn the cake out and we'll figure it out when she got home. I did what she said, and ended up with unbaked cake batter all over the counter, down the cupboards, and on the floor, with a ½ inch sliver of slightly baked cake. When my parents got home from work, we *finally* figured out that the oven had shut off on me! we had one of those electric ovens with the "timed bake" ability, and we hadn't lived in that house very long, so we didn't know that the oven had this tendency to shut off on its own. (you'd think the cold oven would've been a clue??) fortunately we had time to run to the store and get something else before the guests arrived. and I've never tried to make that cake again!! I might have to call mom to get the recipe and try it again. ~cyd clbogner@juno.com ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER TWO AND SO SHALL YE RISE D I have a bread disaster story too. My first attempt which was nearly 20 years ago began with my destroying the yeast from too hot water. The bread like Cathy's never rose. I spent the next day varnishing them to try to pass them off as door stops. Dayna ************************************************************************ molony And Kitchen Disasters....you know there are too many to name...like the time the mixer container broke apart in the middle of pina coladas (coconut milk and shreds all over the place), or the time I burnt (one time with flames) the bread twice for ONE meal, or the garlic oil, I was making, erupting (just like a volcano) all over the counter and floor, or the potpourri I left simmering on the stove (thank goodness the fire dept. did not show up!).....ok...ok..I have had my most embarrassing moments in the kitchen!....And I don't bake well....but I "CAN" cook..heehee...I have made many of those bread doorstops, I am glad to know what to do with them now, a coat of varnish will do nice well instead of butter!....Oh yea.....a big tip....don't make bread during hurricanes watches.....living at the SC coast I tried that, what else would you do on a day with no work and your windows boarded up.....I of course did not realize the barometric pressure would cause the bread not to rise....so Beware!.....lol....you land locked guys are ok, but tornadoes will do it too....just a tip for anyone WANTING to make doorstops.....lol.... ************************************************************************ GramWag I recently tried to make Potato bread=oh boy what a mess--I checked and rechecked my recipe as I was mixing it--as I have never made bread before--well----------------don't know what happened but it did not rise and stupid me thought oh well I will just bake it any way-----------WRONG!!! My three loafs of bread could have been used for hockey pucks or if there is a game that uses stones the size of bread loaves, they would have been useful for it!! I guess this qualifies as a kitchen disaster story--any one who makes bread by hand, maybe you can tell me what I did wrong--but this definitely is enough of a disaster to make me really think about investing in a bread machine!!! Here is the recipe I promised---Carol Ann ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER THREE ALL THIS DARN TECHNICAL STUFF RecipeLu Hi all, Regarding the note from Steven.. I have fixed it... when James re-did the wording at the bottom of the list we typed in listservice.com instead of listservice.net. Today we had one woman who really really wanted to un-sub and kept sending many many messages. The correct address is in the Welcome letter, and it's right at the bottom of the list now too. I've sent a note to Steven directly to apologize.. he sent a note to me and to the list.. yours was much nicer than mine btw... And then when I went to fix that..those pesky headers started comin back.. I think those are gone now too ! *sigh* Mom.. who's gonna double check that she didn't mess anything else up.. and then Turn off this darned computer since she obviously doesn't know what she's doing at all.... can we put this in our disaster stories ! RecipeLu **********************************************************************
************************************************************************ CHAPTER FOUR KABOOM, KERBANG, KERSPLAT!!!!!!
"bertnevie" This inspired a "story" I put ALL my many cookbooks in a kitchen cabinet...new one, incidentally... over a desk. At 5 a.m. one morning, we heard a loud crash..certainly a burglar!. My cabinet had collapsed with cookbooks all over the floor. Now, I am having a time finding my TNT recipes as my cookbooks have landed on any shelf I could find. QE 1 ************************************************************************ MickieX@aol.com A lot of years ago, I took a cake decorating course that Montgomery Ward use to offer. (Anyone remember that far back?) Well I think it was a 6-week class. Each week, we would learn different techniques, roses, borders, lettering, etc. and we would use a cardboard circle. The last night, we were asked to bring in a cake to decorate. So it being my husband's birthday, I brought a sheet cake and put every single thing I learned on it. I guess if truth be told, I did go overboard and it was a bit "gaudy" but I was showing off what I had learned. I put the cake on the floor in the rear of my car to protect it and proceed to drive home, so excited to surprise my husband and the kids! Well, a few blocks from my house, a car cut me off and I had to jam on the brakes. And the bowling ball that was on the seat fell right on top of the cake and smashed it to bits!!! I didn't stop crying for 2 hours - even when my family was trying to console me (and laughing their faces off)! Yep; learned a hard little lesson that night!! Mickie ;+D ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER FIVE EVERYBODY DUCK!!!!!
don & marjorie hueston This AM I had a small disaster with Eudora Light this am/it deleted all of my saved recipes. Disaster number two was an apple pie that was sitting on my countertop stove. I accidentally turned on the wrong burner—without thinking after discovering it, I grabbed it and pulled it onto the stainless steel stovetop. Well folks, Pyrex pie plates explode!!!!! Within a 20 ft. perimeter (I have an open concept house) we had glass - some large chunks and a zillion slivers! Not to mention burns all over brand new kitchen carpet. On the plus side, no one was hurt and we really didn't need the calories from the apple pie :) Marjorie ************************************************************************
Jan Cruser
My Aunt Lois, a really great cook was having a ball using her sourdough starter to make bread. It was summertime, and she had to go to work one afternoon but thought she could put her bread in the car to raise, go out during her break and punch it down and then bake it when she got home. Well, when she went to the car during her break, she found that it had exploded all over the headliner and back seat of her car!! She had forgotten just how hot a car can get in the summertime, and apparently her bread just couldn't take it. ************************************************************************ m15.boston.juno.com
This is an OLD kitchen disaster—it actually happened about 35 years ago, but it's still good for a family laugh every time the group assembles. My dad was a great cook, and a great experimenter. Usually his experiments were superb, but occasionally... The year that I was 11, Daddy decided that he was going to start brewing his own beer at home. He made one batch successfully following the recipe and directions given to him by a friend who was a long time home brewer. I guess he figured he had the basics then, and that he could begin to innovate, so he made some additions and deletions to the "Original Recipe," fermented the beer, and then bottled it. Well, evidently the additions were a little, umm, slower to process than the originals. After the beer had been bottled for about a week, we heard this tremendous crash in the basement. When we went to see what it was, we found disaster! Three of the bottles (in the front of the row), had exploded and sent glass and bottle caps flying. There was beer everywhere, mixed with peaches and strawberry jam, whose bottles had been caught in the shrapnel. After we got the mess cleaned up. my Mom wanted Dad to dump the rest of the batch, but he convinced her that any that were going to explode probably had...and it was great beer...so they left it. The next day, we left for a three day visit with my grandparents. When we returned home, we found that 6 more bottles of the beer had exploded. Peeeyeewww! I still can't truly enjoy beer to this day. Thankfully, my Dad got bored with brewing fairly quickly, but not nearly quickly enough for the hometown cleanup crew (my brothers and I). Michele ************************************************************************
deedeep1@juno.com (Deanna Polakowski)
Since we are into kitchen war stories, I thought I would add my 2 cents! All my life I had been used to Corning Ware. When I got married, someone gave us a Pyrex casserole dish. I stupidly thought it was just like my Corning. I took the casserole dish filled with a rice dish out of the refrigerator, and placed it directly on the flame to heat. Within minutes there was an explosion! Rice and bits of Pyrex everywhere! Months later, I could still hear bits of glass going up the vacuum! Until that time, I had never seen a dish explode. Deanna DeeDeeP1@juno.com ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER SIX CALL 911....QUICK!!!

"Anna Zapral/David Sudmalis"
Had a younger sister who decided to surprise everyone by making dinner and burning the oil in the saucepan, tried to put it out and successfully burned the kitchen curtains and melted the vinyl rollerblind. Anna ************************************************************************
Sooz Kirkland
I had those metal burner covers on my stove. I was getting ready to put something on to simmer when a plane started crop dusting in the field next to my house. My kids were little and I thought they would love to go stand out under it and watch it fly. So I put my stuff on the stove and turned on the burner and flew outside. When we came back in the stove was burning. I had turned the burner on under one of the covers instead of the pan. It melted it and really scarred up my stove but luckily that was the worst. I was very lucky. ( I also do NOT use those covers anymore!) A friend of mine put baby bottle nipples on the stove to boil and then they decided to go out to eat. She forgot she had them boiling. When they came home their house was burned...they lost most of their kitchen. She got a new kitchen out of the deal but it was really not worth that! sooz ************************************************************************
Ksharples@kktv.com
My grandmother was a great cook. She always made home made cinnamon rolls and dinner rolls. She warmed them up by putting them in a brown paper bag, putting a little water on the bag, and then putting the bag in the oven. They were so great!!!! Well, one year (just a few years ago) my sister and I decided we'd warm up the dinner rolls the way grandma did it. We put them in the bag, put on some water, and popped them in the oven. In a few minutes we smelled something burning.........you guessed it, we opened the oven door and there was our bag of rolls engulfed in flames!!!! I'm sure grandma would have had a good laugh at us!!! :) I've never tried it since.....I'm too scared.... We ruined my sister's oven in the process.......Her hubby wasn't too happy with me! Kim ************************************************************************
PookyPook@aol.com
My DH wanted me to be sure and write this!! It IS kitchen related! I know some people have written in their funnies about kitchen disasters, and this is a kitchen disaster, but not funny. Two days ago I started to melt a stick of butter in a frying pan, and, having to use the bathroom immediately, I turned the burner to what I thought was Lo. Well, it wasn't!! I literally flew out of the bathroom when our smoke detector in the hallway went off!! I found the house filling up with smoke and a very nice blaze on the stove!! Keeping with being stupid that day, I put the pan on the floor and found something to smother the flames which was a pizza stone. We had snow on the ground and I should have just thrown the pan outside. I called DH and he immediately came home. I had to open Every window and door in the house to get rid of the smoke. Fortunately, all it did was to put smoke on the fridge and cabinets which we were able to wash off. But we now have three kitchen floor tiles with the shape of the pan on them!!! If we had had a smoke detector in the kitchen along with a fire extinguisher, this disaster would never have happened!!! PLEASE get a smoke detector and fire extinguisher for your kitchen!!! They make both specifically for the kitchen!!!! We are now very strong advocates of both!!!!! Ruth PookyPook@aol.com ************************************************************************
Sooz Kirkland
Last Monday night decided to make my Japanese Chicken Salad that I have posted before. In the recipe you cook the sai fun noodles in a large skillet of hot oil. I cooked my noodles in a pan on the right front burner. I then turned off the burner and moved the pan to the back left burner. I'm not sure what I did but suddenly I bumped a baking dish I had sitting on top of the coffee maker which is beside the stove ( I know, I know..don't pile dishes on appliances but I had to put it SOMEWHERE!!). The dish fell off and hit my olive oil bottle which then fell over, the lid flew off and it pumped olive oil all over that hot burner. Well, it started smoking and I started screaming and cussing. Jim came in and said...throw some water on it! I'm yelling NO NO..you don't put water on a grease fire!! He yells..it isn't a grease fire it is olive oil! I yell...isn't that the same thing???? Well, it just smoked up the house a whole lot (nothing worse than olive oil smoke...P U!!) So, I calmed down and finished my salad. When done I decide to deal with the stove and low and behold....when all this was going on...somehow my plastic bottle of Creole seasoning had fallen off the back of the stove and landed right in the middle of the pan of hot oil. It had melted and was sealed to the bottom of my pan!!!! I was able to save the pan but not my Creole seasoning :-( Oh, BTW....the salad tasted great!! sooz ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER SEVEN LET'S TALK TURKEY
"Glen G. Hosey"
Several years back, I was an instructor with the Army in Texas. I decided to cook a huge Thanksgiving dinner for a lot of the Army folks who had no families in the area. Mind you, this was a huge dinner, turkey, ham, all the trimmings, fixings, etc., and several types of bread: Date-Nut, Zucchini, Pear, Cranberry-Orange-Nut. Well, there were pots and pans and spices all over the kitchen. After putting a couple of loaves of the Cranberry bread in the oven, and timing it, I noticed that it still hadn't browned. No problem, probably needs a few more minutes. After 15 minutes, decided I had better take it out of oven. It was rather firm. No time to think about it, making lots of other goodies. Served the dinner, all was great, except you should have seen the faces of those who partook of the cranberry bread—can you imagine what it tasted like with all those fresh, tart cranberries and absolutely no sugar in it???? Yep, I had inadvertently left out a really key ingredient -- 1 cup of sugar! And I don't mind if you include my name in your collection 8-) Glen Hosey ************************************************************************
DWhiteBarn
I had just been transferred to a new town mid-summer. A new acquaintance I worked with invited me to come to her in-laws home for that Christmas dinner. I came home late on Christmas eve and popped one of those deeeelicious refrigerator cinnamon roll things into the oven. Then I went to sleep. I have no idea why they didn't catch fire, but in the morning I pulled out a pan of really dark - but not black - rocks. Making the best of a burnt situation and a new friendship, I pulled out the little frosting packet and proceeded to frost them. When she stopped in to pick me up I, being the perfect hostess, offered her a roll and some juice. It was great watching her try to be nice when she picked up the frosted cinder and tried to think of a polite way to avoid eating it. :-) ************************************************************************
EABoz
One Christmas when I was visiting from out of town at my mother's house, she gave me the duty of making brownies. These are my brother's favorite, and mom considers this job very important ;) Have you ever been making a recipe and thinking to yourself, "Gee, this just doesn't *seem* right." Some how you just can't put your finger on it, but you know something is wrong with the recipe! Well, I was very dubious, but poured the batter into the pan and baked for the allotted amount of time. (Which looking back I should have realized was not long enough.) The cook book said to invert the brownies onto a wire rack. (Okay, another alarm should have been dinging in my head). Well I flipped the pan over onto the rack and watched as molten brownie goo dripped through the wires and all over the counter. Since it was still boiling hot I had to wait until it cooled to clean it up. (Nothing worse than having to stare at a kitchen disaster for an extended amount of time!) ::sigh:: I thought maybe I could clean up the evidence and make a new batch. But, Noooooo. There wasn't anymore Cocoa! I had to fess up to everyone that I had botched the brownies. (Okay, the only thing worse than staring at a kitchen disaster is having to tell your mother, who has cooked professionally for 25 years, about it!) LOL. I get my brownies from a mix now. Ellie ************************************************************************
"Lynn Ratcliffe"
Years ago as a new cook, one of my friends mother gave me a recipe which she always made at Easter time. It was a bread with either an apricot or nut filing. I mixed up the dough and set it on top of the refrigerator to rise. An hour later, I went to check on the dough. I found that it had risen over the top of the bowl, down the refrigerator and was creeping along the kitchen floor! The reason - the recipe called for a cake of yeast. I did not know that yeast came in different sizes. Apparently, I'd purchased the large economy size which was about 30 times the amount that I needed for the recipe. I never did make that recipe. :)) Lynn mcgrew@ntr.net ************************************************************************
"Mimi's Box"
I have a tip: Never, ever, put your hot bowl of the best Thanksgiving Stuffing you've ever made on the edge of the sink—right next to a pan full of dirty dish water! I was in tears! :( Mimi :] ************************************************************************
"janet toomey"
Here is my horror story for Thanksgiving. I had a house full of people and relatives to boot. For a sit down Thanksgiving dinner my first one. Ok Turkey was in the oven and that Thank God went smoothly. I had the pies done the day before. I was about to peel 10 lbs of Idaho potatoes which I had forgotten being that I had a brand new baby to care for. so I slipped my little body into the kitchen with apron on and proceeded to peel away. My mom was also there and she was helping me. All of a sudden the garbage disposal quit working and potato peels were coming back at us. We turned off the disposal and yelled for dh to come to my rescue. Of all nights it was pouring rain outside cats, dogs kinda rain. I was smart in one way, I had prepared a lot of finger foods in advance. These were to be for Xmas. We got them all out cookies and all. The men about six were outside trying to clear the trap of potato skins. They were soaked, and the little women were having a party inside resetting my table for a buffet type dinner. We did have the potatoes by peeling them into a bucket and then cutting up and putting into a steamer, microwaved some, cooked some on the stove. They all got done together, don't ask how because at that point I was determined this was going to be ok. We put all the fingerfood and the rest of the turkey dinner and veggies and stuffing, cranberries etc. out for a buffet. My Christmas Baking saved the day.. It kept everyone talking and eating playing games etc. for two hrs. That was a day I will not soon forget. Remember: Whatever goes wrong can always be fixed especially in the kitchen. Jan ************************************************************************
KateyKC@aol.com
After all the horror stories I just had to add mine. I'm so glad there are others like me out there. Well, maybe not quite, as you'll see! It was the first Thanksgiving my husband and I would be together after two years of spending it apart. We lived with my mother and he had begun to realize things weren't normal, but this really put him to the test. Aside from the good natured arguing (at the top of our lungs), the frenzy of the many cats and dogs that refused to leave the kitchen, and the really sappy movies we watched (not quite the football he was used to), the highlight came when he was on the phone to his parents and looked over when I yelled to my mother "Is it baking soda or salt for a grease fire?" I had pierced the store bought tin foil roaster with the carving fork and grease had poured over the bottom of the oven and caught fire. He wasn't sure what upset him more, the fire or the fact that it didn't upset my mother or me. I know his parents must have thought things were crazy when he said "I've got to go, there is a fire in the oven. No, she doesn't seem to mind!" Anyway, we put the fire out and had a wonderful dinner, the first of many for us. Remember - Anything that goes wrong makes a great story afterwards!! KateyKC ************************************************************************
Dogface44@aol.com
My disaster story happened after I had been cooking for quite awhile. We were living in Hawaii and my bother - in-law and sister-in-law wrote and told us they were coming for Thanksgiving. (Whoopee!!!) She is a very nice person, but she thinks that she is the only person in the world that has been introduced to a stove. Food is expensive in Hawaii, and to compound it I went all out! I ordered a fresh turkey from a very pricey market, pies from the best bakery in town and waited for them to arrive. They arrived on a Friday and the day before we were told be radio, TV and whatever that we were going to be hit by a hurricane. Sure enough, we were inundated with Hurricane Iwa, which produced brown-outs by the electric company. (They turned off the electricity every other hour. I scurried around and tried to get everything ready( as much as I could) with the part time electricity. Did I mention that we were living in a 14th floor condo? Welllll, Saturday, my husband and I went and got the turkey and the three pies and all the other crud that I had to have. When we got home, the first thing that happened is that they turned off the electricity unexpectedly and we hoofed, panted and perspired up the darn steps. Did I mention that this darn fresh bird was a WillieBird and cost 48. dollars? Hawaii, you know. Well, thanksgiving arrived and everything was under control, I thought. I asked the DH to check on the beautiful bird, and he very calmly said, "I think it's burning". Sure enough, the last time I had checked on old Willie, I must have turned the oven knob up instead of down. We had burned Willie. My sister -in-law still thinks that I have never been close to a stove!!!! Joanne ************************************************************************
Kara9718
I have to cook if I want to live. my mother's food makes me want to gag. she can bake but that is about all. One thanksgiving she made a turkey and it caught on fire!! The fire started to spread up the walls and kitchen curtains. The first thing she said, as my stepfather reached for the fire extinguisher, was don't hurt my turkey! kara ************************************************************************
SatinsBack
Years ago, the first Thanksgiving dinner I cooked was for two people -- me and my then boyfriend. I decided to make stuffed baked chicken, various frozen veggies, and a frozen pumpkin pie. I should have known it was to be bad since I took a fork to pick up the chicken so I could gather the juices to baste it and the chicken fell off the fork, bounced off the oven door, and hit the floor with a thud -- spraying me with bits of cold stuffing and juice (operative word is COLD). I just put it back figuring my floor was real clean and the heat would kill any germs anyway (of course, I was dressed only in my undergarments cause I was cleaning and cooking and all at the same time so he cracked up laughing at the way I looked -- 1/2 naked with stuffing and juice dripping off of me). A few hours later I checked the chicken again and it was just barely turning gold, so I again basted it -- without dropping it. After 9 hours of cooking at 350 (yes, the oven was right and yes, the chicken was frozen to start but I did not know this) the outer skin was a beautiful shade of brown but the pop-up timer still hadn't popped. I was sure something had to be wrong with the timer because all my research (re-read EVERY cookbook I owned for times of cooking) said the chicken should have been done 6 hours earlier -- so I touched the timer with the fork to see if it worked and IT POPPED!! We took the chicken out, gathered all the veggies, and put the pie in. I quickly tried to make a gravy that ended up looking like a thick liquid with baby dumplings (we did not even try to eat it) then we sat down, said grace, and my boyfriend sliced the first piece off the breast. It looked beautiful. He sliced the second slice and I noticed a very slight hint of pink on the chicken, and by the third slice it was no longer a hint!!! Tears started to run down my face and John said it was o.k. -- we still had the veggies and stuffing which was more than some others had. He scooped out some stuffing and one look sent me running to the bedroom to fling myself across the bed and sob. There were clumps of blood on the stuffing -- I had never known you had to wash the inside of a bird -- just remove the bag! After much cajoling he got me back out to the table -- while quietly laughing to himself. Finally, I told him to check the pie -- I was not ruining any other part of dinner. He opened the oven door, grabbed the shelf and PULLED. The shelf had been stuck but broke free and pumpkin went flying all over the kitchen. For some reason to this day I cannot cook a whole bird. No matter how hard I try it never works. ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER EIGHT KIDS IN THE KITCHEN
Lulubel2
My husband was out of town and I was headed to Tampa for a Christmas party the next morning so I ordered pizza for the kids. Well my daughter decides to warm up another slice in the microwave. I'm pounding away on the computer and she asks me, " how long to cook it" I told to start off at 20 seconds and if it wasn't warm enough try another ten seconds. (She just turned 8) Well being a child who does exactly what she wants without asking, decided "20 minutes" was too long and nuked it for "10 minutes". I start to smell smoke and a yucky smell..and she yells MY PIZZA!!!! The slice and the paper plate where completely burnt and the smell was unbelievable. Remember the smell of burnt microwave popcorn bags? Only a 100 times worse. It's cold and rainy...the beginning of a record December in rainfall....my kids are running around outside in T-shirts and no shoes. I have a handicapped step daughter who thought playing outside in the dark and rain was fun. It's about 10:00 at night and my house stinks sooooo bad!!!! Needless to say it took a lot of vinegar and water, baking soda, potpourri, and air freshener to get rid of the smell. About 3 days of airing out the house in the rain. The microwave is still sitting in my garage waiting for hubby to put it outside for the garbage but I have a nice new microwave sitting in my kitchen. I went about a week without one. I don't know what we did before microwaves were invented. Besides suffer! Lulubel ************************************************************************
Rodeo46898
When I was about 15, while pretending to be deathly ill, I played hooky from school one day . I was hungry and decided to fix myself some hard boiled eggs. While they were cooking, I walked down to the school bus stop to "socialize" completely forgetting about the eggs. When I finally came home, about an hour later, smoke was billowing out of the house, the smoke alarm was blaring and my uncle (who had come by to check on his "sick" niece) was on the phone with my mother trying to find me. The eggs had completely busted and were splattered on my mother's 15 ft cathedral ceiling, all over the walls, counter and cabinets!!! The smoke was coming from the pot which had a hole burnt in it from being left empty on high for so long. By the end of the evening I was starting to doubt I would ever see my 16th birthday!!! My mother still lives in the same house and even now claims to find egg pieces on the top of the cabinets whenever she cleans them. :-) Kimberly ************************************************************************
Cynthisa
Here's a recipe I developed all by my self at about age 12: CHICKEN BRIQUETTES Take one package of Swanson's Frozen Chicken Nuggets (in an ALUMINUM pan- all frozen foods still came in aluminum back then, thank God!) Pre-heat oven to 300 degrees, place nuggets in oven, go to bed. By morning, they should be perfect chicken charcoal briquettes. (That is if the Fire Department doesn't get to them first!) [Disclaimer: While this actually happened, I don't recommend actually trying to repeat this recipe!!!!!! It could genuinely be dangerous!] =) Cynthisa@aol.com ************************************************************************
"Lynn Ratcliffe"
I was 14 and my sister 11. We decided to bake a cake for my mother for her birthday. This was precake mix days!! My mother gave us one of her cake and frosting recipes to use with instructions to follow the recipe exactly. Unfortunately, my mother used a shorthand system since she was an experienced cook. The icing recipe called for 1/3 cup crisco and vanilla. Guess how much vanilla we used. It sure tasted terrible. I never forget how much vanilla to add to a recipe. :)) Lynn mcgrew@ntr.net ************************************************************************
"Pauline M. Marshall"
I was in Home Ec, grade 9, and we were going to make pies. Well, we made a coconut cream pie, and it looked wonderful.....we went to taste it, and it was DISGUSTING. Well, we complained to the teacher, and she went over all the ingredients.....all there, and then she tried it....and spit it on the floor. Turns out that the janitor kept his turpentine in the refrigerator, right beside the lard, because it kept better.....but what he didn't realize, was that it tainted the lard for our pies. :( Needless to say, I have a HARD time eating a coconut cream pie now. :) ************************************************************************
Sooz Kirkland
Here is one from me. When I was a kid in high school I was seriously getting into trying and cooking new things. I decided to make a cake using a recipe of my mom's. The cake batter called for lard. I made my cake and decided to dye the batter green and the frosting blue. Well, being a novice I didn't realize how intense colors can be after cooking!! What an obnoxious looking cake and to make matters worse...turns out the lard was rancid. Not only was it the worst looking cake ever...it tasted even worse!!! sooz ************************************************************************
"Christopher E. Eaves"
Speaking of kids in the kitchen.... I was at a friend the other night & they have 3 kids 17yo girl, 15yo boy & 8 yo girl. They were always complaining about not liking what mom or dad cooked, so mom says 1 night a week each child gets to cook the meal, that night was the 8 yo's turn. She opened a can of V-8 & shredded a couple carrots into it & added a can of mixed veggies, nuked it for 10 minutes and called out "Come & get it!!!! The Minestrone's ready!!!!!" Chris ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER NINE MEN............
Susan Rappaport
My Mom had a friend who was a bachelor. He decided to cook a can of beans to go along with some hot dogs he was boiling. He took the UNOPENED beans, put the can in a saucepan with a little water in the bottom and put it on the stove. He left it cooking and went to take a nice long bath. ? After a while, he heard a tremendous explosion and found that the can had, of course, exploded. There were beans on the ceiling (hanging down like icicles) and on the walls and everywhere. I remember when I got to see it (about a week later), after he had cleaned a million times and there were still beans here and there. I thought it was pretty funny till the egg thing happened to me a few years later. I'll tell you, the beans didn't smell as badly as the eggs did! susan :-) ************************************************************************
Bill Amend
Several years ago my son, who was about 26 at the time, wanted to "bake" a potato in the microwave. He asked my wife how long should he 'wave it for. She told him "12 minutes". Well he put the potato (is there an "e" here....I guess I'll ask Dan Quail) in, set the timer and let her go. We all were busy doing other things when we smelled smoke. We all rushed to the kitchen to find a fire blazing away in the microwave. Fortunately, we had a fire extinguisher handy and my son put the fire out. We now have a new microwave ;-) Bill Amend ************************************************************************
"Valerie Whittle"
The funniest story that comes to mind is one that I'm unsure if I should tell or not... It does deal with cooking, and it is an actual recipe.... You let me know what you think, ok? Several years ago (back in the good ol' days) a friend of mine was making marijuana butter (on the grounds that it's not bad for you if you cook with it, rather than smoke it...).... This is a lengthy process where you simmer the marijuana for a couple hours in butter, then strain it and use the butter in recipes... Well, he'd cooked it and then took the finished product over to the sink where he poured it into a strainer. The only problem is he forgot to put a bowl under the strainer, so he poured an entire pound (and an entire ounce!) of marijuana butter down the drain. hehehe I think he'd sampled a bit of the product beforehand... A very expensive, and hysterical, lesson. ;-) (I was there. I about died laughing!) So, you think that's ok to tell? I'll try and think of something else that's sure to be acceptable, in the meantime. :-) ************************************************************************
Cathleen
I don't have a dehydrator, but I have dried herbs in the oven before (just set it to very low and watch it carefully), although I bet it's not as good. My boyfriend tried to dry some chives a couple of months ago and kind of forgot about them in the oven. He refuses to throw them out, so now I have this huge jar of tiny, black, charred chives hiding in the back of the cupboard. I'm waiting for him to forget about them.... ~~Cathleen ************************************************************************
Sewgoode
A girlfriend of mine had that same problem years ago. One night, after cooking a wonderful meal (she gave us the leftovers - take my word for it, it was wonderful), her husband picked it apart. She told him fine - tomorrow night he would cook dinner. So when he got home from work, of course nothing was done for dinner. She was sitting in the living room watching TV. He went into the kitchen and fixed (should I say burned?) the worst dinner! After that, anytime he complained about her food, he had to cook dinner the next night. (He didn't know that just before he got home, she went out and had a hamburger and fries so *she* wouldn't starve). His complaining got fewer and far between until he was so happy she was cooking he starting eating as soon as he sat down! Ramona ************************************************************************
Kara9718
O.K. time to make fun of men . my brother called me just now and told me he was cooking some kind of chicken recipe that called for peanuts. well, apparently he didn't have any in the house and was too lazy to go get some (he lives maybe a block from Ukrop's!!!) So, being the genius tat he is he decided to take the peanuts from crunchy PB and just wash the PB off. He called me to ask me how to get all the PB off. Only a man (no offense to Kevin and all the other wonderful male cooks on this list.) would think that it would be easier to take all the peanuts out of crunchy PB then to go to the store and buy some!! kara ************************************************************************
Dogface 44
I have to tell you about a dear friend that decided one day to make her own Lemon Chicken. It's not hard, but she said not only did it take the better part of an afternoon to get all the stuff together, but she used every pot and every pan in the kitchen. When her DH got home and they had dinner, she only served white rice to go with it because she was so exhausted from all the preparations of the lemon chicken.....The first thing that popped out of his mouth was"Well, where's the rest of dinner" and..............the lemon chicken is good but it is not as good as the chicken we had in Hong Kong......"I think she said something about shoving Hong Kong in an undesirable place. It was funny when she retold it. Joanne ************************************************************************
Kevin Kirkland
I discovered a recipe of a kind of eggplant lasagna that called for goat's cheese and a lovely béchamel sauce. I served it and my roommate kept exclaiming and said it was the best lasagna I've ever made. He asked what was in it. I listed off the ingredients including the "chevre" and he said "You're kidding? Cheese from a goat?" I guess I didn't help that I bleated my response. He made faces like Dame Edna does when she's getting sick, and to that day I've never been allowed to make anything with goat's cheese in it. BTW, if there's those of you who'd love the recipe, I'll post it. Kevin ************************************************************************
"Valerie Whittle"
I don't remember if I told the one where hubby went in to boil the tea kettle of water, turned the wrong burner on and came back to watch our TV show. When I smelled smoke I went in to look and the front burner was bright red (instead of the back burner, where the tea kettle is...) and the plastic canister of sugar that was next to the stove had warped and melted so badly that the sugar poured out of it all over the burner, and it had caught on fire!. So the place smelled of burnt sugar and burnt plastic. Yuck. I made DH clean up the mess, too! lol Valérie (Vale'rie) ************************************************************************
"Brenda H. Alcorn"
Well, back in the prehistoric days..before cell phones..*S*..My husband decided to stop and get gas..I was ahead of him..so, he went on the off ramp and I didn't see him and I kept going. When I looked into the rear view mirror, he was gone. Therefore, I got off about two ramps later..(I tried slowing down, but "inaction" drives me crazy)...and, then passed him going back the other way. Finally, caught up with him. Typically, he had no problem with the whole situation. From then on, though, we "arranged" our stops. That was kind of an eerie feeling, though. Kind of made you think of one of those UFO stories..just dropping down and sucking the truck right into the space ship and it disappearing. *S* ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER TEN MY AREN'T WE MESSY!!!
"Diane Geary"
Hint: Never measure and sift flour under your kitchen ceiling fan. ************************************************************************
From: SAS890@aol.com
I was newly married and expecting two other couples for a quiet New Year's Eve of cards and refreshments. The only experience I had ever had with pizza was of the cardboard frozen variety. I decided to make pizza "from scratch" to serve to my guests. I made the dough, added pizza sauce and toppings, and topped it all off with sliced mozzarella cheese. So far so good. I wanted a nice, crispy crust, so following the guidelines on the box of FROZEN pizza, I slid the pizza directly onto the oven rack and closed the door. No pizza pan needed here. Well the dough was softened by the heat of the oven, the whole thing "melted" through the oven rack onto the rack beneath and onto the floor of the oven. My guests arrived to the most horrible smell imaginable. Anyone who has ever had a little cheese drip onto the bottom of the oven knows what I mean. We opened doors and windows to the December cold of an Iowa winter just to be able to breathe. After the air cleared we had a nice evening, but the only thing I served them was the chips & dip. You know, I honestly have never attempted "from scratch" pizza again. Maybe someday. Nah. :-) Sue ************************************************************************
Terry Pogue
Have you ever drained the pasta by pouring pasta and boiling water into the colander when you forgot to put the thing in the sink? Major HOT mess. Slippery pasta all over the floor steaming away. Good thing the dogs were not underfoot! terry ************************************************************************
"Pauline M. Marshall"
In response to Terry Pogue's story above: Once, and I repeat ONCE, I put the colander on the stove and did this....Oh my, what a mess. Needless to say, my colander STAYS in the sink now. :) ************************************************************************
Badams
OK, now for my fav K.A. story. Always wanted a Kitchen Aid mixer, but was too cheap to buy one. Found an old AVOCADO green (!!) at a g.sale for $35. Works great, but bowl doesn't (apparently) hold enuf. Going for major campout with in-laws and they like goooey desserts. I wanted to take something (pre my mc and eat-lf list days) wonderful, gooooooey, but not high in fat. I decide on Angel Food cake, with thawed frozen strawberries and some whipped cream. So, in my too small K.A. I begin to make angel food cake from a mix. Start with the egg white (sugar?) packet and liquid. I throw those in the machine (whip). But wait, bowl doesn't seem to keep stuff inside it - splashes out, so I (oh bright one) cover the machine with clean dish towel. Daughter calls from adjacent garage (cleaning??) and I go assist. A few minutes later, I return to the kitchen (get a far as opening the door) and stand there aghast!!!!! At the other end of the room, this out-of-control THING—the dish towel and the mixer—have become one. And on HIGH (have u ever seen how fast these things spin?????) they are flying circles, well, the dish towel is, of white foam round and round the room- this STUFF to the ceiling....everywhere THE ENTIRE KITCHEN is white with foam and the stuff is sailing thru the air like it's a giant snow storm in my kitchen!! I can't even work up the courage to enter, but I know I must!!!!! By the time I fight my way thru white to get over to the mixer to turn it OFF--- I am covered in foam. I'm screaming, you can imagine, and the daughter by now is standing in the doorway—watching in horror. There is no end to this story. The white stuff became permanent glue. (It found many places to hide in.) We washed ceilings, floors, cabinets, appliances, open drawers, windows.,.,.,.,.,.,dishes,.,.,.,.,., it looked to finally be gone.... but no, over the years....it turns up, still glued - in strange places. Still white after all this time. (Lesson: buy the splash guard for the Kitchen Aid. It operates like a dish towel, but stays out of the mixture—sposed to keep stuff inside the bowl.) Brenda Adams :))) PS: the cake stuck to the pan, dug it out in chunks, looked like a disaster...and the in-laws LOVED it!!!! Was kinda tasty. ************************************************************************
"jan toomey"
Mom was going to make me some cream puffs and use my new Kitchenaid Mixer. Well she followed the directions and when it came time to add the flour to the mixture she turned it on high and had flour and butter and yuk all over the freshly painted kitchen walls, ceiling, floor etc. I was working and when I came home about a half hour after her ordeal..she looked exhausted. We had many a good laugh over this one, and she never again wanted to use that machine. Jan ************************************************************************
"Brenda H. Alcorn"
I used to have a habit of keeping popcorn in the oven. In my house in Georgia, the kitchen was arranged with the stove, refrigerator, etc. on one side and the sink, counters, etc. on the other. I had put the popcorn in the wall oven to get it out of the way. The next night, I turned on the oven to preheat it for supper and suddenly realized something was burning. When I opened the oven door, the big plastic bowl holding the popcorn was melting down through the oven racks. I grabbed the bowl and slung it across the kitchen into the sink. In the process, bunches and bunches of yellow plastic "strings" had developed from the oven to the sink, and had solidified in the air. This stuff was everywhere. I finally had to get the racks out of the oven and put them out by the carport. They looked like modern art or something with all the popcorn and bowl hanging solid on the racks. I then had to get scissors and cut through the strings so we could walk through the kitchen...It was a great mess..but, I never left popcorn in the oven again. Needless to say, my husband and son came home..crawled through the kitchen..and used that one great line that I love so well..."Now, why did you do that?" Let me see...I've also had a can of cat food explode while opening it just before going to a party. That's a wonderful smell in hair and clothing. And... When we were moving..once..my husband was backing the truck up to the front door and told me to tell him when to stop. The phone rang and I went to answer it..and he came through the front door. (Made it much easier to pack..) Also, lost him on one of the interstates...remarkably, found him. And...put all the animals..2 dogs and 2 cats in the car, started it, turned on the air..got out of the car..and locked it in a rest area. No other sets of keys. Well, at least they were cool while we waited in the HEAT for the locksmith. These are just a "few" I thought I would share. ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER ELEVEN WHOAAAA DOGGIES!!
"Christopher E. Eaves"
The first time I grew zucchini I put in 6 plants. There are 2 of us. I had more zucchini than I could possibly use. The couple next door came to my rescue by helping with the daily harvest & taking it to their church for distribution to the needy. The next year I put in 1 plant & got exactly 4 zucchini the whole season. The reason you ask? During the winter we adopted a Greyhound. She loves zucchini & would go into the garden & help herself!!!! I'd see one looked like it would be perfect for tomorrow's dinner. Go out the next morning & Cinnamon had already made it her breakfast snack!! Now I plant 1 in the garden & 1 near her doghouse. We get enough for us & she has plenty for her. Chris ************************************************************************
Lulubel2
My chow used to spit cherry tomatoes down the driveway and chase them. Lynda (Lulubel) ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER TWELVE IT'S ALL IN THE TIMING!
"Anna Zapral/David Sudmalis"
My husband plays in a band, and often works late. He likes muffins, so I thought I'd make him some. Now my mother has gone overseas for a while, and my sister is staying at home alone. She decided to clean the cupboards a s my mum is a hoarder, and found a nice apricot and walnut muffin mix. I took it home and baked it one night while Dave was at a gig. The recipe called for it to be baked for 20 minutes, and half an hour had gone by and the muffins still hadn't risen or turned brown. I decided that that was the way they must be, and took them out anyway. I went to bed, and left Dave a note that there were some muffins in the kitchen if he wanted to have a snack. The next morning I asked him how they were, and he gave me a funny look, and said that they were raw in the middle, but because I had made them, he had eaten a whole one anyway. I told him of the cooking time, and he was at a loss as to what had happened until I sheepishly told him that the expiry date on the packet was, wait for it, March 1992. I have laughed hysterically every time he has whined and complained to people that I have no pride because a) I make things from packets (albeit rarely), and b) I ignore the use-by date. It was funny.............really!!!! Anna ************************************************************************
Lulubel2
I made a sirloin tip roast the other day and it took over 3 hours to cook. Who knows why? The kids ate corndog nuggets and fries and I went to bed. My husband finished everything for me. Lulubel ************************************************************************
Roserairie@aol.com
My very first dinner for my husband was his favorite dish - fried chicken. It was absolutely the most beautiful golden color but raw inside. It took our appetites away! Rose ************************************************************************
N8ugz@aol.com
Had a good laugh once my self with my grandmother and family.......It seems that frozen pumpkin pies had just come out on the market so my grandmother figured that she would save time and bought some. Being the good cook that she is she took them out of the freezer.........served thanksgiving dinner........then went to serve dessert.........Well, needless to say she kept saying about how runny these pies were but served them any way..........She NEVER baked the pies........thought all you had to do was take them out of the freezer. Mary H. ************************************************************************
"Sharon Crawford"
Shortly after my husband and I married, I was at the store and saw these beautiful big blueberries in quart containers art an unbelievable price. So, since Mark loves blueberries, I bought some to make a pie. Well, I get them home and I'm cleaning them and realize these ain't blueberries. I have a gallon of concord grapes. So, I dig out my trusty cookbook and find the recipe for concord grape pie. I follow all the directions, including skinning the grapes etc. Bake the pie, and as I'm pulling it out of the oven I'm thinking I pulled it off. Pie falls mysteriously out of my hands and splatters everywhere. Husband gets home at just that moment; my yellow wallpaper is permanently stained purple as am I and everything else and all he can do is laugh. I almost divorced him right there. I should have learned. About a year later I decided on the spur of the moment to roast stuffed turkey for him...on of his favorite foods. I get it in the oven at about 5 p.m., and the cook book tells me that this 15 pound stuffed bird will be ready for dinner at 7:30 It's a good thing I'm not in math for a living. Mark gets home...."oh, honey what's for dinner? It smells wonderful." I tell him and he says I must have really gotten home from work early to get the turkey in the oven for dinner. I say "no it's been in about 45 minutes, will be done at 7:30" Well needless to say, he ate his turkey dinner at about midnight, after I had gone to bed. Since then I have stopped surprising him with his favorite foods. Sharon ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER THIRTEEN "GET ME A BANDAID...QUICK!!
"Diane Geary."
Is this a kitchen disaster story? I was cutting a Carrot with my cleaver and cut the end of my baby finger off right up to the bone. You can still see the scar through my fingernail. My hair was a mess and I didn't want to go to the emergency so I glued it back on with crazy glue. I kept is clean with peroxide and iodine and it grew back just fine. Diane @;^ ) ************************************************************************
"bertnevie"
The only time I used crazy glue on this bod was on a bus in Europe...eating...of course...caramels. My crown came out. My husband glued it back and it NEVER, ever, came off again. When I finally had to have it extracted the dentist commented that that crown held fast even to that point! Anymore crazy glue stories? Lazy day here, I can listen to all of them. QE 1 ************************************************************************
DWhiteBarn
An eight year old girl had a sledding accident a couple of weeks ago. She hit a fence pole head first (not an uncommon thing in this part of the world), and left a gash about 1" long on her head. Her mother called me and asked if my husband could fix it. She had seen him close a wound on a boy at church one evening with butterflies, and wanted him to try this one. He said he could probably use her hair to pull and tie some of it closed. Of course she'd already shaved off a square area of hair around the wound. Butterflies therefore not sticking, super glue was the obvious choice. He glued one side of the butterflies down to the scalp, and after that dried he pulled it closed and glued the other side down. Ten days later she was as good as new, although she could use a new hairdo. ************************************************************************
CuisineArt
A long time ago when I was around 13... I thought the crazy glue cap was on and I tried to bite it off because I couldn't get it off and I glued most of my lips shut... OUCH! My family didn't mind because I have always talked to much... Anyway it took about three days for all the glue to leave my lips and they were quite raw... Thats my glue story! Jamie ************************************************************************
ncanty@juno.com (Nadia I Canty)
I made the mistake of cutting up Habanero's without knowing the danger. It was years ago and I remember how horrible it was. I had to lay on my stomach for over 24 hours with my hands in ice water. The fumes had drifted up to my face, YES, just the fumes, and my face was burning so badly that the doctor ordered cold packs kept on my lower face also. NEVER will I use those peppers. It was the same as being burned with boiling oil the doctor told me. Who needs that in their stomach? Nadia in Texas ************************************************************************
Sooz Kirkland
My husband was cooking the dinner for his crew while out in the desert digging dinos. He got to the part of adding the dried chilies. He takes them between his hands and gives them a good rub to flake them. After dinner he has to go take a leak. Need I say more? ROFLOL!! Well, I guess you know that he now washes his hands IMMEDIATELY after handling hot chilies!!! sooz ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ CHAPTER FOURTEEN A LITTLE OF THIS AND A LITTLE OF THAT
Cynthisa
Speaking of Kitchen Disasters (and I'm a pro at them), there's a great book written by Marina and John Bear called, "How to Repair Food" (1987, Ten Speed Press, PO Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707) Its great! It includes chapters such as, "How to Improvise, Bluff or Otherwise Muddle Through," "First Aid Supplies," "Total Failure," an alphabetical listing of topics by food (i.e., Brussels sprouts- over cooked, under cooked, bread- won't rise, too salty, etc., etc.), as well as appendices on burned foods, thawed frozen foods, how to store excess foods, and fruit and vegetable seasonability. For a rank novice like me, its been a lifesaver on *several* occasions!!! Best wishes for 1998! Cynthisa Cynthisa@aol.com ************************************************************************
"Valerie Whittle"
Well, I was *so* excited to get the Kenny Rogers Corn Muffins recipe that I tried them last night (got the recipe yesterday). First, the "good kitchen tip" that I read here, that I used, that turned out to be a big help. "Always keep a sink (or dishpan) full of hot soapy water ready." This came in handy when I had to *remake* the frickin' batter. Here's another tip that I did *not* use "*Always* crack your eggs into a smaller dish and then transfer to your mixing bowl." Do this even if you've done it a zillion times and think it's a really stupid rule. Unless of course you want a bloody egg (and I'm being *literal* here. Bloody. Gross.) plopping into the middle of your batter. OK, I didn't actually *cry*, but I sure screamed loud enough and said a few very choice words... *Luckily* I had exactly two more eggs (of *course* it was the second egg that was bloody. Having it be the first would have been too nice...) and some more honey (Thank the gods my son loves peanut butter and honey sandwiches..). Dumping all the ingredients into the sink was kind of painful, though... Well somewhere in here I pulled my back out, so I'm doing all this while in *extreme* pain, but I was more than determined to make these stupid muffins! Then I find that I have white cornmeal instead of yellow. I don't know if there's a flavor difference, but yellow would have been prettier. After making the batter, I discover that my muffin pan has rusted (or gotten gunky...)! *big sob* So with an aching back, a late hour (it was about 6:30, and I hadn't made dinner yet, and there was no chance of getting take out), and a child constantly saying "Mo-OM! I'm HUNGRY!!" I found myself scrubbing a stupid muffin pan wondering if this was such a good idea after all... Well, I finally got the muffins done, and threw some flour coated chicken breasts in a pan (I gotta tell y'all about these chicken breasts sometime! Oh OK, at the bottom of this message!). Vegetables?! Screw it! There's corn in the muffins and they're lucky they got anything at this point! LOL The muffins actually ended up pretty good, seeing as how my son gave them a thumbs up, and hubby declared "You can make these again!" (To which I glared at him, but was secretly pleased... I'm sure next time they won't be such a PITA to make..) One *real* note as far as the directions go.... It says to cream together the butter, sugar, honey, eggs and salt. I think it would be a lot easier if you creamed the butter and sugar together before adding the other ingredients. Creaming butter with eggs doesn't work real well. Can you use melted butter with this type of thing? I don't think so, but thought I could always ask.... Final comment: Try these, you'll love them! Val=E9rie (Vale'rie) ************************************************************************
Badams
This treasured recipe belongs to Helen who posted it, and the accompanying story about it, to the TNT (Tried and True) mailing list. Boy, did this ever make me laugh remembering my own never-will-be-forgotten kitchen disaster—when the angel food cake mix and my mixer decided to fight it out (at HIGH speed) all over MY kitchen— aided by a tea towel....but I digress.... :) I asked Helen if she minded me posting it to the LU list so you all could enjoy the recipe and get a hoot too, and she graciously consented. Thanks Helen! Brenda

                *  Exported from  MasterCook  *

                         Raspberry-Cranberry Mold

Recipe By     : Very Finest Recipes, pg. 231
Serving Size  : 12
Categories    : Salads

  Amount  Measure       Ingredient -- Preparation Method
--------  ------------  --------------------------------
                        --first layer--
   2      packages      (3-oz. each) cherry jell-o
   1 1/2  cup           hot water
   1      can           (16-oz.) whole cranberries -- with juice
   1      can           (20-oz.) crushed pineapple -- with juice
                        --second layer--
   1      pint          sour cream
                        --third layer--
   2      packages      (3-oz. each) raspberry jell-o
   1 1/2  cup           hot water
   2      packages      (10-oz. each) sweetened frozen
                        -- raspberries

In our family, this Raspberry-Cranberry Mold is also known as Mom's
On-the-Ceiling-Salad (see story below).  And while the original recipe
calls for using a large mold, I have found it safer (in my case) to use a
13x9x2-inch CushionAire baking pan with lid.;-)  -Helen

FIRST LAYER: Mix and let set until firm, the 2 packages of cherry Jell-O,
1
1/2 cups hot water, pineapple (with juice) and cranberries (with juice).

SECOND LAYER: When above is set firm, spread with 1 pint sour cream.

THIRD LAYER: Mix the 2 packages raspberry Jell-O with 1 1/2 cups hot water
and the 2 packages frozen raspberries.  Let set until the consistency of
egg whites. (The mixture sets up quickly, so you might want to check it in
about 10 minutes.  -Helen)  Spread over top of sour cream.  Let set until
firm and cut into squares to serve.  Refrigerate any leftovers.

Yield:  About 12 to 15 servings.